I wish the snow on the ground held answers to my pain..because no one knows [WHAT?][WHEN?][WHERE][WH0?] when it comes to this unsolved mystery that has hit my fam.I got a necklace made in remembrance for you today..and couldn't believe it was YOUR name on it...I kept sayin as I gave the lady my credit card...this is all a dream..and Imma be back to return this chain..guess not huh?? I KEEP logging onto facebook H0PING that someone will drop a hint into my inbox letting me know what happen to my cousin or better yet that its all a J0KE!!. Ice R0GERZ recently wrote a song called "Head to the Sky" in memory of his beautiful mother[R.I.P] but for some reason I keep replaying the song and changing the words in my head, adding memories of my cousin and singing to it so that I can stay sane.. I can't see this keyboard for the tears and the pain has blocked my thoughts..JESUS...can u hear me??...I need answers...I have NEVA been one to rush you but I need an emergency delivery. I NEVA been one to question you but I NEED to know WHY?...a senseless death..how can you take a man's life over some nonsense..his material things weren't enough so you took his LIFE?? I'm so tired of deaths..people being jealous..hateful and spiteful. JESUS I know we in the land of the dying but I wasn't prepared for this...I miss that man..I wanna hold him...kiss him...tell him I'm sorry for not picking up the phone like I could have...I'm sorry that I put my life before his and didn't spend more time...I'm sorry that I couldn't feel your pain that night..I'm sorry I can't stop crying because I know you wouldn't want us to be so down...but I just love you so much...I cannot find a word in webster to explain to you how deep this pain is...JESUS i wanna know where was his guardian angel on THIS NIGHT?...why didn't u warn him...JESUS I've NEVA been one to doubt you I just need answers..I can't stop thinking about him and trying to pick my brain to understand how he felt that night he lost his life. Jamal...you have ALWAYS been my boo..this love we got ain't bubble gum type..you are my FIRST COUSIN our parents share the same blood..and so do we...and even though we didn't see each otha as much as we could have when we got togetha u would think we talked EVERYDAY b/c the bond was just that tight...!!
Ice says in his song "Keep yo head to the sky..Imma do it for you!" well I keep trying to look up but I'm blinded by the pain and my heart is making things heavy...so as of now life seems unreal for me to keep my head to the sky..Like I'm in a dream...JESUS..come whisper in my ear because things are ALL bad for me right now... JAMAL I MISS Y0U FAM!!! I just wanna know are the people who did this satisfied, does it soothe you to know that his children will NEVER see their father again on this earth...there will we no more kisses goodnight for them to look forward to...are you happy to know that his mother is at home right now in shock believing that her son will walk through the door at any minute?? are you at peace to know that I cannot stop crying and that this will be a man who is TRULY missed...!!??
I wish people thought before they acted, I wish I could stop crying, I wish I could take my fam's pain away...I wish he was still here...I wish I could have talked the ppl out of such a horrible decision. I wish our lives didn't have stop watches and that i could kiss him one last time...I wish he would smile for me just one more time..I wish I could talk to him and tell him about my college experiences. I wish I could let him know how much he means to me...I wish life didn't hurt me so bad....I wish I could take that summer ride with u one last time..I wish I could laugh and you tryna show off for me..I wish I could play fight with you and Jay again..I wish I could hear your voice again...
I wish....I wish.....man oh man how I wish....
I love you MAL!! Its STILL unreal for me...but Imma keep pushing...until we met again!!
